We Do Have the Best Crimeline!

O. M. G. -- for once I have no words to introduce this:

WEST MALL
Disorderly Conduct: A UT student reported being approached by an unknown female twice over the course of two days. The student stated that during a recruiting drive, the unknown female began talking to him, then placed her hands on his shoulder continually while they talked about the student organization. The next day, the female attempted to kiss his hands and cheek. The student became offended and told her to stop. After being told to stop the female placed her head within several inches of the student's nether region and explained to him that she would love to hum the National Anthem with a certain part of his body in her mouth. The subject stood up and began showing nude pictures of herself to other students that were standing around watching the events unfold. The unknown female was told to leave. The unknown female began screaming and yelling obscenities, then left the area. The unknown female was described as: White female, 5' 04', slender build, shaved head, and last seen wearing a white dress with multi-colored dots, a long black dress with a fur collar, and a pink hat. Occurred on: 02-02-07, at 1:05 PM.


In anticipation of Valentine's Day, this tale of "wooing":
JESTER WEST DORMITORY
Public Intoxication: UT Police Officers responded to a suspicious person that was harassing one of the residents and was refusing to leave the dormitory. During the investigation, the officers located the subject and observed that the subject was crying. The subject explained that he had broken up with his girlfriend and had driven to Austin to "woo her back." Officers detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the subject's breath and noted ththathat the subject needed the support of the surrounding walls to maintain his balance. As the investigation continued, the subject displayed several clues that indicated he was intoxicated. The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication. The subject was being transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 2-03-07, at 3:10 AM.

This one had better not be one of "my" students (I know some have classes/labs there):
J.J. JAKE PICKLE RESEARCH CENTER
Harassment: A UT student approached the main gate leading onto the research campus and was granted access. Following established protocol, the student was required to sign in. The subject drew his rendition of the male genitalia on the signature line then handed the clipboard back to the UT guard. The guard saw the rendition and was offended. During the investigation, the student explained that he was "just trying to be funny." The staff member declined to file charges, but wanted the student referred to the Dean of Students Office. Occurred on: 02-03-07, at 2:29 AM.